I Hate Republicans 2004
They stand for greed
that’s unrestrained by shame or pity.
They own the factory,
the penthouse in the city.
They pledge allegiance to
their friends with lots of dollars.
They concentrate the wealth
and they disregard the squalor.
(Chorus)
I hate Republicans.
I hate Republicans, baby,
I can’t stand those Republicans.
I hate that old Republican party.
Their self-esteem is high,
they feel no obligation.
They put their faith and trust
in God and corporations.
They stand for piety
that doesn’t suffer rivals.
They’re waving flags and guns
and quoting from the Bible.
(Chorus)
Comrades, arise now,
while there’s something left to save.
Fight for a future
where not everything is paved.
Though they are likely to prevail,
all creation insists
that we strive to resist
the Republicans.
They stand to profit from
the mess they’re engineering,
the new world
order of unbridled profiteering.
(Chorus)
Note on "I Hate Republicans 2004": See below under "I Hate Republicans" (original version).
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Make the Pie Higher
As a child, he was not all that special.
Not a hint of a great destiny.
Not the worst, not the best,
sort of average, I guess,
but still blessed with the name of his daddy.
As a youth, he had no clear direction.
He just moseyed along down the trail,
to a college career,
where he majored in beer,
cutting classes, he was proud
not to fail.
He preferred not to fight for his country.
As an oil man, his well came up dry.
He was feeling no pain,
as he stayed entertained,
he was known for his jokes
and effrontery.
Then one day, someone said, “You’re not ugly.
You have fingers and eyeballs and hair.
You should get in the game.
They will vote for your name.”
So he said, “What the heck?
Dude, I’m there!”
(Chorus) He said, “We should make the pie higher.
Families is where
our nation finds hope,
where wings take dream.
Well, when you say that
you’re gonna do something,
and then you don’t do it,
that is trustworthiness.
You know that is trustworthiness.”
The campaign was intense, as expected.
Full of slander, distortions, and lies.
He held on for the ride,
and he soon turned the tide,
for his message brought tears
to our eyes.
(Chorus)
Some may say the election was stolen.
But I feel that perhaps that’s too strong.
Call it luck. It was fate.
He was meant to be “great,”
to be feted in story
and song,
like this one called...
(Chorus)
Note on "Make the Pie Higher":
The chorus of this song, based on quotes, pays homage to some of the striking, colorful, and humorous Bush malaprops. The overall story is based on rumor and gossip.
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School Doesn’t Matter
Reading and writing are boring.
History’s just a bunch of stupid dates.
Geography? That’s really not much for me;
I’m happy living right here in the States.
Math has all those numbers.
English is a chore.
Science takes up too much time,
that’s not what I’m here for.
My duties at the frat house are demanding.
They sometimes interfere with higher ed.
So does sleeping late into the morning,
after I’ve been smashed out of my head.
Homework is a bother,
you have to write and spell.
I borrow someone else’s,
it works out pretty well. All in all I’d say it’s most important,
“To thine own self...” uh...something, and some stuff.
That’s why I think prayer and education,
uh, something...uh...er, well, I’ve said enough.
I guess I didn’t learn that much,
or open up my mind.
The thing that I remember is
to leave no beer behind.
Now I am a poster boy
for wasted, misspent youth.
To the nerds and squares
and those who care
it’s time to tell the truth.
School doesn’t matter, I’m the president,
I never got better than a “C”.
School doesn’t matter, I’m the president,
look at me!
Note on "School Doesn’t Matter": Some say that the installation of G.W. Bush as president was an affront to every kid who ever studied for tests and handed his homework in on time. Bush’s conspicuous and unlikely success points not to the value of education, but rather to the benefits of being born into privilege. Impressionable children should be shielded from the disturbing story of G. W. Bush. The lyrics are based on unsubstantiated allegations and forged documents from Niger.
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Tax Cuts for the Rich
We’re under an attack.
Uncle Sam’s financial health,
is going south and pretty fast,
we’re burning oil and passing gas,
but we’re taking care of the upper class,
with tax cuts for the wealtheee...
“E-I-E-I-O,” said the farmer in the dell,
which isn’t really here or there, but, say,
what’s that funny smell?
It’s a strategy that the Left can’t match.
It’s a perfect scam that the police can’t catch.
It’s a chronic itch that could use a scratch,
tax cuts for the rich.
Tax cuts, tax cuts for the rich.
Tax cuts, tax cuts for the rich.
I need some more words for this song.
It’s pretty short, but it’s way too long.
It’s a bad idea that came out all wrong,
like tax cuts for the rich.
Tax cuts, Republicans, join in.
Tax cuts, let’s make an awful din.
The cornerstone of a great campaign,
is a sure-fire cure for a made-up pain,
so let’s drink a toast with the best champagne
to tax cuts for the rich!
Note on "Tax Cuts for the Rich": This song is notable for a misquote. In the second verse, the words of Old MacDonald are misattributed to the Farmer in the Dell.
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Dear Ralph Nader,
The vast Right wing conspiracy just melted away, so Bush could win.
Meanwhile the Nader led Greens got into the fray, and that is what did Al Gore in.
There’s no such thing as a watchdog party, Ralph,
there never was, there never will be.
You hurt your friends, you helped your enemies
rise to victory.
The most vociferous and rabid of Republicans stayed out of sight, so Bush could win.
However, the excitable Left got into the fight, and that is what did Al gore in.
There’s a time for every season, Ralph,
there’s a lot of room under the sun.
Go ahead and be a watchdog, but,
for Pete’s sake, please don’t run.
The Right wing crazies were quiet as mice, so Bush could win.
The radical Left did not play nice, and that is what did Al Gore in.
When the dust had settled. It was time for us to face,
Republican control, they run the whole darn place.
Denny, Dick and George, are holding down the fort,
and waiting in the wings, the Supreme Republican Court.
The Religious Right prayed silently. This was their stealth strategery.
Even the Clinton haters managed to shut the hell up for a little while.
Why? You may ask yourself,
Why? I’m gonna tell you why. Pay attention now.
So George W. Bush could win.
And he did. So there. Thanks, Ralph.
Note on "Dear Ralph Nader,": An open letter
to Ralph, and to other potential champions of “watch-dog”
parties. His disavowals of blame for the result of the 2000 election
are sad. The Republicans won because the Right unified while
the Left fractionated. Yes, there were a million other factors,
but few significant ones were under anyone’s control. The Nader candidacy
was.
The ending of the recorded version of the song is not quite right. A couple of words and
the final disonnant chord don’t appear on the recording.
Maybe next time.
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Where’s Dick Cheney?
“The country is under attack,”
were the words in the President’s ear.
“The country is under attack,”
the message was perfectly clear.
He looked like a deer in the lights
of a car in the woods late at night.
He looked like he needed some air.
He sat like a stone in his chair, thinking,
“Where’s Dick Cheney?
I guess I shoulda never left home.
Where’s Dick Cheney?
I’m not supposed to be here alone.”
He looked at the kids in the class,
who were reading about a pet goat.
He thought about beer in a glass.
He thought about fun on a boat.
He thought about playing some golf.
He thought about corn on the cob.
He thought about leaving for Crawford at once
to escape from this burdensome job, oh,
“Where’s Dick Cheney?
Or someone else who knows what to do?”
He just sat there
racking his brain for a clue.
The photo op started to seem,
like a not very good use of time.
The minutes continued to pass.
The tension continued to climb.
He searched for a joke or a quip.
Like a mannequin frozen in place,
he nervously chewed on his lip,
and silently stared into space, thinking,
“Where’s Dick Cheney?
When you need the guy he’s never around.
Where’s Dick Cheney?
Why can’t that bad boy be found?
Where’s Dick Cheney?
This is job for the V.P.
Who’s in charge here?
You gotta be kidding, it’s me?”
“The country is under attack.”
“I’m in charge? You kiddin’ me?”
“The country is under attack.”
“Oh, man. This is not good.”
“The country is under attack.”
“I don’t feel well.”
“The country is under attack.”
“Get Karl. Would someone find Dick Cheney?”
Note on "Where’s Dick Cheney?": Inspired by the footage of G.W. Bush sitting in a classroom and being advised that the country was under attack. The lyrics are based on incidents that were read somewhere, heard about, or imagined.
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I Hate Republicans (Original version)
Note on "I Hate Republicans": Of course we don’t really hate Republicans, well, not all of them all of the time. Individually some Republicans are nice people and loads of fun. As a political group, however, they are full of mischief.
The problem is that Republicans are oriented chiefly toward commercial enterprises, which they excel at. When they get involved in politics, which is a different kind of game, Republicans are most effective when they are ineffective. That is, they thrive as the loyal opposition, poking fun at the earnest do-gooders who want government to serve the public interest.
When the Republicans achieve political power, things get crazy. Consider the Clinton impeachment proceedings. Everyone knew what the outcome would be, and the public overwhelmingly opposed going ahead, but the Republicans couldn’t resist. Yes, the impeachment was great, sordid fun; but how much better for everyone if the Republicans were in the minority, so that they could heap ridicule and abuse on liberals, feminazis, ecofreaks, big government, and Washington insiders without feeling compelled or able to do much of anything besides spouting off.
But what harm is it? Do Republican misadventures in governance really hurt anyything? Yes. While the Clintons were hounded and the government distracted Osama flourished.
The Happytones appeal to the true statesmen of the GOP, if there are any. When an excess of Republicans win election, the party should have a mechanism for reducing the number as appropriate. We ask that the Republicans practice the politics of personal destruction and pandering to special interests in the good-old-fashioned way, as privileged outsiders.
This plan probably would yield significant psychological benefits to the American people, as voters would get to enjoy voting Republican, savoring the delicious thrill of telling feminazis, ecofreaks, liberals and big government to bugger off, without having to suffer the indignity of being represented by Republicans in government.
As to the unkind comment in the 2000 version of “I Hate Republicans” about a certain Texas Republican who became president, The Happytones regret the use of the term “nincompoop.” Name calling is offensive and immature. Clearly The Happytones strayed from their mission of providing wholesome, upbeat, family entertainment. The band members, management, groupies, and associated hangers-on consider this episode a youthful indiscretion for which no one should be held accountable. We only hope some good can come of this, that the up-dated song and these notes might serve as an educational tool, something to help children.
Also pertinent to understanding the original “I Hate Republicans” song is that it was recorded pre-9/11. The final lyric about how ‘Republicans want a government that is weak and can’t protect us’ does not refer to security from external threats, but rather to internal danger. That is, we need a government that is strong enough to protect us from the GOP.
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Copyright
I Hate Republicans   2000 M. Farady / Pretty Nice Music (BMI). All other songs 2004 M. Farady / Pretty Nice Music (BMI). All rights reserved for the USA and for the world outside the USA. Unauthorized copying, hiring, lending, public performance, broadcasting prohibited.
The Happytones
PO Box 28448
Austin, Texas, 78755-8448.
E-mail: mail@thehappytones.com
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