Where's Dick Cheney? from The Happytones Play Politics

Where’s Dick Cheney?

“The country is under attack,”
were the words in the President’s ear.
“The country is under attack,”
the message was perfectly clear.

He looked like a deer in the lights
of a car in the woods late at night.
He looked like he needed some air.
He sat like a stone in his chair, thinking,

“Where’s Dick Cheney?
I guess I shoulda never left home.
Where’s Dick Cheney?
I’m not supposed to be here alone.”

He looked at the kids in the class,
who were reading about a pet goat.
He thought about beer in a glass.
He thought about fun on a boat.

He thought about playing some golf.
He thought about corn on the cob.
He thought about leaving for Crawford at once
to escape from this burdensome job, oh,

“Where’s Dick Cheney?
Or someone else who knows what to do?”
He just sat there
racking his brain for a clue.

The photo op started to seem,
like a not very good use of time.
The minutes continued to pass.
The tension continued to climb.

He searched for a joke or a quip.
Like a mannequin frozen in place,
he nervously chewed on his lip,
and silently stared into space, thinking,

“Where’s Dick Cheney?
When you need the guy he’s never around.
Where’s Dick Cheney?
Why can’t that bad boy be found?

Where’s Dick Cheney?
This is job for the V.P.
Who’s in charge here?
You gotta be kidding, it’s me?”

“The country is under attack.”
“I’m in charge? You kiddin’ me?”
“The country is under attack.”
“Oh, man. This is not good.”

“The country is under attack.”
“I don’t feel well.”
“The country is under attack.”
“Get Karl. Would someone find Dick Cheney?”